I’ve had an eye-opening week. Through a couple different venues, I’ve faced anew the emotional catalyst that the concept of “gifted” can be. I’ve experienced how it affects the ways moms of gifted children move in the world and and how they interact with those around them. These experiences have raised questions for me, so don’t expect answers here! However, you may have questions and/or input of your own that I’d love to hear, so please comment if you so desire.
My first eye-opening experience happened as a result of a blog post I read by a woman in another country (in another hemisphere!) and whom I only know as Fire. She homeschools her three children, and though gifted herself and the mother of at least one (though I suspect more) gifted child, she doesn’t like the term “gifted” nor the categorization such a term divides children into. (Fire, please forgive me if I misrepresent you–please, by all means, clarify if need be.) I responded to her blog with a comment, and we’ve had a bit of a dialog about all this. Once cross-cultural differences were accounted for, we realized that we agree on many, many issues around the concept of giftedness and its impact, and recognized the potential for many similarities personally. If you’d like to read the blog itself and the comment thread, you can view it here: http://highseasadventures.blogspot.com/. Scroll to the posting entitled “Gifted,” read it, and check out the comments. (I see also, upon returning to her website to obtain the web address, that she has posted another blog post entitled “‘Gifted’ (again).” In it, Fire beautifully and vulnerably expresses her own experiences as a gifted child, her questions as to what it means as an adult, and her children’s experiences as well. I am bowled over by her story–I feel empathy because her story is much like mine. I hope she becomes a friend to this community we’re creating among moms of gifted children. She has so much to offer!)
Another experience I had this week was of listening to an Internet radio show focusing on issues close to mothers’ hearts. The two hosts had posted this query on their website: “Are You Kids Gifted and/or talented? How do you know? Email us with your comments or advice” (sic). I had sent in a response, and was looking forward to a sensitive, supportive response to the topic. What I heard was different from what I had expected, but similar to what I’ve experienced in the past both as a gifted child myself and as a mom of gifted children. The two hosts seemed to be exasperated with moms who think their kids are gifted, and stated statistics regarding the percentage of moms who think they’re kids are gifted vs. the percentage of children who actually are gifted (incredibly disparate numbers). They claimed that if your child is truly gifted, schools will naturally identify them as such and will address your gifted children’s needs (this is quite different from my experience and those of many of you; some of us have had to struggle to have our children adequately placed, and even if you switch schools, which these hosts suggested you do, it’s no simple undertaking). And if you do have gifted children, these hosts said “Don’t talk about it” and “No one wants to hear it.” The message was clearly this: if you have such brainy children, yeah, they’re great, and they must have challenges too, so go find yourself some support–but please find it elsewhere.
These experiences raised these questions for me:
1. What, if any, is the value of labeling or categorizing children as “gifted”?
2. How and to whom should we as moms of gifted children express ourselves, our challenges, and our joys?
I’m realizing that categorizing children into “not gifted” or “gifted” is painful on both sides of the aisle. The “not gifted” feel less than, and understandably so. Who would like to hear that they don’t have gifts to offer the world (which simply isn’t true–we all have gifts to give)? The “gifted” suffer from it too, though stating this is like saying “poor, little rich child.” No one has sympathy for us or our children feeling left out of social circles, bored in classrooms, or different from everyone else, except we for each other. Yet the benefit educationally is huge, in my mind. Knowing what my children need, I can find (and have found) the right fit for them academically. Socially, I’ve found a school situation in which they have friends just like them. In fact, my son has discovered facets to himself that previously he had no clue existed, and he has met people who have those same facets. He can connect with these students on so many levels. His mind and heart are broadening. If we hadn’t pursued educational testing and a different school choice, he wouldn’t have had that experience, and that indeed would have been tragic.
Yet discussing these changes has felt awkward. I’ve stepped into conversations about my children with trepidation, fearing rejection. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve found who have gifted children; they have become safe women with whom I can share my questions, doubts, anxieties, as well as my joys. They get it, and I get them.
So today I took a step I’ve been meaning to take for awhile. I created the “Moms of Gifted Children” social network through ning.com. Now we can create an online community of women facing the same ups and downs of mothering gifted kids. We can support each other through educational choices, giftedness identification, and parenting. And we can empower one another to become not only fabulous moms but complete women with our own gifts to offer the world. I invite you to join. If you’re interested, please e-mail me at info@deepwaterscoaching.com. We’d love to have you!
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