From the Deep

Thanksgiving has come and gone (where has this year flown to?!), and we’re full into the holiday season. Whatever tradition you follow, you’ll probably give presents to family and friends. You’ll shop for just the perfect gift or create something with your own hands that you’ll wrap in pretty paper or place into a beautiful bag. You’ll hand it over with anticipation of the recipient’s joyful reaction. You’ll hope your heart–and its manifestation in a physical offering–will touch someone else’s.

We take this relational exchange for granted at this time of year. Yet we have a gift to give year-round. Have you ever considered the gift that your giftedness is to others?

Viewing our giftedness this way comes with its challenges. Many of us who are gifted frequently feel that our abilities and personality quirks are downplayed, underappreciated, and often downright rejected. But in truth we have so much to give. The gifts bestowed on us were meant to be given away.

On one level we understand this instinctively. As gifted people, we naturally see the world’s needs and feel compelled to eradicate them. I recently had a Facebook friend comment about how picking up one stray candy bar wrapper turns into a vast plan to rid the world of litter. We can’t help ourselves. We just think this way!

Yet somewhere along life’s road many of us run into resistance. Someone laughs at our ideas. Or pokes holes in them. Or calls us dreamers, as if that d-word were a dirty word. Frequently this happens to us as children, so by the time we’re adults, we’ve had it beaten out of us. We’ve become jaded and internalized the arguments of others within ourselves. We don’t need anyone else to do the job anymore (although some will still perform it), because within us we have that parent, teacher, sibling, and other chiming in and discouraging us from the inside.

Well, they were wrong. Those voices were wrong when you were a kid, and they’re wrong now, whether internal or external. You were created with gifts to give, and this world desperately needs you to give them. It’s time we all started believing and living that truth.

So what are your unique gifts to give? Do you know? Have you created your own unique profile of gifted characteristics that you possess? If not, you can start by looking at my Ginormous List of Gifted Grownup Traits. Read through them. Which ones jump out at you as reflections of yourself? Which ones make your heart beat faster because you know you own them? I encourage you to identify at least one or two you’d like to express more openly in the world and find ways to do so. Maybe you need to let your wacky sense of humor bring joy to others. Perhaps you have some sensitivity to lend to someone else’s heartache. Maybe you can identify a pattern or relationship that will solve a problem. Whatever it is, find it, and let it be your gift to the world this season and in the year to come. If you need any help with this, please contact me. I’d be honored to help you give the world the giftedness you have to give!

©2009 Lisa Lauffer

Yesterday I blogged about how, while the kids are out of school for Winter Break, I’m choosing to keep two practices everyday that will keep me sane and happy this holiday season: movement and soaking. Here are some other ideas that may speak to your soul or may spark other ideas for practices you’d like to adopt over the next couple weeks:

1. Lighting a candle and leaving it lit throughout the day (whenever you’re at home);
2. Listening to music that feeds your soul;
3. Carving out a half-hour every day for a cup of tea and time to read;
4. Taking a walk by yourself;
5. Watching a show every night that makes you laugh;
6. Praying;
7. Journaling;
8. Doing something to express your creativity such as drawing, playing an instrument, writing…;
9. Reading through the Christmas story a bit at a time;
10. Taking a bath;
11. Meditating;
12. Connecting with a friend;
13. Piecing together a puzzle for fifteen minutes;
14. Exchanging back rubs with your spouse; and/or
15. Taking a nap.

Today was my children’s last day of school for 2008. Yay! We’re on Winter Break!

Ack! We’re on Winter Break! Seventeen days with two children in tow hyped up on sugar, engaging in Christmas festivities, lacking their usual structure, with abundant free time on their hands. Seventeen days in which I don’t have my usual structure and space to pursue what energizes me, to accomplish goals, and to converse uninterrupted with other grown-ups.

On the one hand, I’m looking forward to time with my kids. I really enjoy their energy, creativity, laughter, and play. On the other hand, I know that so much time together can often result in emotional stress that creates havoc at holiday time.

How am I going to handle it? I’m going to practice.

Actually, I’m going to engage in two specific practices that help me stay grounded and connected to my joy. The first is movement. I’m a fidgeter. If I don’t get enough movement, I feel as if I have extra energy zinging inside my body desperately seeking an outlet, and it eventually leads to frustration. Mitigating that frustration requires extra energy, creating a hazardous cycle until I blow up. I’d rather expend energy through movement I love–dancing, walking, and playing outside or at the gym with the kids–and avoid the emotional outbreak that comes when I don’t.

The second practice I’m committing to is soaking. This discipline involves laying or sitting still in God’s presence, focusing on Him, and allowing Him to show up however He wants. I’m finding that this practice grounds me, centers me in God and in who He created me to be so that I can hear His voice more clearly and act more in line with His will. It feeds my soul.

Amid all the holiday hubbub, I will do each of these two practices everyday. All my other customary pursuits may shift around my children, but these two activities will happen as preventative measures–preventing me from losing myself then from losing it with the kids.

Are your kids on Winter Break? What practices might you commit to so you’ll stay connected to yourself and your joy at this holiday time? 

It’s December 4, 2008. Twenty-one days until Christmas. How are you doing amid the holiday hubbub?

If you find yourself feeling like it’s “Harried Christmas” to you rather than Merry Christmas, you’ve come to the right place. I know how you can turn your frown upside-down (or perhaps at this point it’s more of a grimace, but you get the point). Often when we feel harried and stressed, we’re allowing external circumstances to influence what we do and how we do it. We feel pressured by family’s and friends’ expectations to mail out Christmas cards, stand in long lines to buy elaborate gifts, decorate, bake, wrap presents, and otherwise make this a happy holiday for others. And all those activities can be good. But when we act from external prompts, we can find our energy flagging. We suck it up, press on, and if we’re not careful, we burn out.

How can we avoid this? It’s simple: re-engage with our values.

What does that mean? In coaching lingo, values make each of us the unique people we are. They are what bring us life, what boost our energy, what bring us joy even in the most challenging circumstances. We each hold our own set of values. Some of us gain energy from authenticity, creativity, outdoor exploration, and connection. Others of us feel alive when we honor God, family, laughter, and time alone. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Whatever brings brightness to your eyes and lightness to your step is a value you hold, and people possess values in all kinds of combinations.

How can we find our values? We ask ourselves the simple question “What makes my heart beat faster?” Think about that for a moment. What energizes you? What do you resonate with? What makes you feel alive?

Values are the key to fulfillment. When we engage our values, anything we do, whether a joy or a challenge, immediately feels more life-giving. If you’re amid the holiday hustle-and-bustle, and feeling stressed, anxious, and resentful for it all falling on your shoulders, you can shift your experience by connecting with your values. Take the example of sending Christmas cards. If you’re doing it to meet perceived expectations of family and friends, it can feel like a burden. The idea of the stern, disappointed faces of your friends, siblings, and your mother (for goodness sake) staring into their empty mailboxes day after day looms in your imagination, compelling you to press on signing hundreds of cards by hand, addressing hundreds of envelopes in calligraphy, and stamping them yourself. However, if you hold a value for connection and access it, sending Christmas cards can feel life-giving. You may refocus yourself on your desire to touch the hearts of the people you hold dear, and that brings energy and joy to all parts of the Christmas card tradition for you. Can you sense the shift?

As a result of recognizing and honoring your values, you’ll find yourself revising your holiday to-do list. Engaging your values can prompt you to:

• reconnect with a tradition in a more meaninful way–as in the example above;
• tweak a tradition to bring it more in line with your values–going again with the connection value, perhaps sending Christmas cards doesn’t fully meet that; maybe instead you choose to write a hand-written letter to a select few people you really want to touch this season;
• eschew a tradition you’ve held for a long time–maybe the Christmas card tradition needs to go entirely by the wayside because it really doesn’t meet your need to relate with others; or
• develop a new tradition–perhaps you’d rather have a few friends over for some Christmas coffee, treats, and a good, long chat. 

I can give you example after example of Christmas traditions and how tapping into your values can help you decide which traditions to keep, which ones to let go, and which ones to tweak to make them more life-giving. So let’s make it personal and practical. Here are some steps you can take to turn a harried Christmas into a Merry Christmas:

1. Determine your values. Ask yourself the question “What makes my heart come alive?” Journal about it. Process it with others. Draw a picture of it. Allow your heart to speak. Your mind will have plenty to say, and some of it may be “shoulds.” Thank your mind for all its wisdom, give it a fifteen-minute coffee break, and allow your heart to express itself. Your heart may come up with just one value. It may come up with fifteen. It doesn’t matter. Just allow it to speak its wisdom to you.
2. Choose one value to focus on. Of the list you’ve just developed, which value speaks the loudest to you? It could be the one that feels most attractive, most life-giving. It could be one you’ve been neglecting to live out lately. Again, let your heart lead you here. You don’t have to have a “logical” reason for choosing it. Just let it sing to you, and listen to it.
3. Now make a list of all the things you feel compelled to do this season. Maybe you’ve made commitments. Perhaps you have traditions you’ve always kept. You might feel the weight of others’ expectations. Or you just may have some things that you want to do for yourself.
4. Look at each item on that list through the lens of the value you chose in Step 2, and ask yourself if that task fulfills your value. You may want to rate each item from 0 to 10, 0 being “this doesn’t express my value at all” and 10 being “this completely expresses my value.” Based on how you rated each task, decide whether to keep the item, tweak it, ditch it, or replace it with something more life-giving.

Yesterday I hit a wall. No juice left. After the nine-day Thanksgiving Break from school, preceded by three days home with a sick child, I felt no motivation or inspiration to tackle my to-do list which grows daily and exponentially, like mutant bacteria run amok. I didn’t know how I was going to accomplish the usual tasks, such as writing blog posts and answering e-mails, not to mention continue the added activities Christmas season often brings: the decorating, gift-list constructing, shopping. My tank was on empty.

Often, when my tank is on empty, I don’t think clearly, so I’m actually amazed that, unlike my usual pressing-through M.O., I somehow found the wisdom to temporarily unplug myself from life. (OK, I must admit, this was my sister’s idea. My older sister. She was right…again. Dang.) I only had a few hours before the kids bounced back home from school, but I managed to “go off the radar,” to separate myself from my computer and all my social networking plug-ins. I also ignored the toys strewn across several floors, the dishes in the sink, and the laundry. (This is no small feat in this house!)

Ah…it felt so good! I hadn’t realized the harried pace I’d been running nor the disconnect I’d been feeling from my life focus. Going off the radar gave me the opportunity to ask myself, to ask God, “What’s the point? Why am I doing what I’m doing? Does it make any difference?”

The answer didn’t come right away. Which was good…instead of making this break time “useful,” I really got to relax, and I desperately needed to relax! As I let go of my expectations for myself and immersed myself in a good book (and indulged in a bit of a nap), the answer emerged: DanceFormation. I’m not talking cheerleaders or ballerinas. What I’m about in the world is transformation: substantial, good, lasting life change. And since I love to dance through life, naming this focus–indeed this inherent value–DanceFormation seemed to express the overall sense of my purpose: to bring change in the world through fun and play.

This clarity has fueled my actions today: my Twitter posts, my e-mail messages, my dancing, my interactions with store clerks and friends. While doing all these things, I’ve asked myself “Where’s the possibility for transformation and joy here, for me and for those with whom I’m connecting?” It has led me to send Christmas well wishes far and wide, to name what I see in people, to apologize for times I’ve said something less than helpful. And my enthusiasm and energy have returned.

How is your energy level these days? Your inspiration? Your motivation? Could you, too, benefit from going off the radar? What might you find there if you do?