From the Deep

Today is our second day of summer break. In the coming year, ESGK will be an eighth grader. Which, if you do the math (and I know you can), means the following year he’ll enter high school. I won’t even begin pondering what type of quantum physics have gotten us to this point–I assure you that just yesterday I was shedding tears at the thought of leaving him at preschool for the first time. But alas, to high school he soon will go.

The question is: Where?

The school system here isn’t the same as where–or perhaps more accurately, when–I was raised. I knew purely from where I lived which high school I’d attend. Unless I wanted (and my parents were willing to pay for) a more religious, private school experience, I really didn’t have a choice. And that was fine. Nobody really questioned it. As a gifted kid I’d make do with what I was offered. And I did.

Nowadays, with school choice being what it is, we have options as to where we can send ESGK. Many options. Our neighborhood high school. Other regular high schools in the district. Charter high schools. Private, religious high schools. Online high schools. And since we send ESGK to a charter school that sets the bar extremely high, our high school choice feels really important. Where can he go so he can continue to grow academically? On the NWEA MAPS tests, he’s already in the 98th or 99th percentiles, and those tests compare him to incoming seniors in high school. The only way to get a more advanced picture of where he stands in comparison to others is for him to begin taking the SAT and ACT tests.

But academics aren’t the only consideration. What kind of social experience do we want him to have? We could enroll him in an online school that would challenge him intellectually, but where would he play sports? Expend his highly extraverted energies? Grow into an independent young adult?

To answer these questions, we’ve hired an educational consultant. We’ve had ESGK take practice entrance exams. We’re looking into having him take the SAT or ACT over the summer too. We’re doing our homework (and ESGK is doing some too).

But really, these are details. My true point is this: very little about raising gifted kids is straightforward and easy. Look at all the questions we have to consider to make choices other parents make automatically, whether it be where to send our children to school, which extracurricular activities to sign them up for, or which friends to invite to play. We have to do our homework. And we do it. We take on these tasks because we love our children deeply and care that they make the most of the gifts they possess. This takes time and energy.

As a coach to parents of gifted children, I want to say that I see you: what you do, what it costs you, and what you and your kids gain. Keep it up. You probably doubt this at times, but you are doing an amazing job that no one else could possibly do as well as you. So before you dive into whatever homework you have this summer, give yourself a pat on the back and a moment to breathe, put your feet up, and drink a refreshing, cool beverage. You deserve it!

©2010 Lisa Lauffer

I love the Olympics. I enjoy watching athletes push themselves to the boundaries–and beyond–of what they can do. I appreciate the years of dedication and hard work culminating in this pinnacle of competition. And most of all, I love the stories that emerge of the sacrifices people have made to participate in this ultimate experience.

I heard one such story last night. Watching the pairs figure skating short programs, I heard the story of Yuko Kavaguti, a skater for Russia. Kavaguti, Japanese by birth, trained in skating and dreamed of being coached by Tamara Moskvina, famed figure skating coach who has coached a number of Russian pairs to Olympic gold. As the story goes, Kavaguti sent a fax to Moskvina, requesting that Moskvina become her coach, and that brash act resulted (I’m sure after many other steps) in Moskvina saying yes.

It also cost Kavaguti. For Moskvina to coach her, Kavaguti had to become a Russian citizen and compete for her new country. Scott Hamilton, himself an Olympic champion and now Olympic figure skating commentator for NBC, said “How many people defect to Russia?” Some people in Japan are calling her a traitor.

But now, with her partner Alexander Smirnov, Kavaguti stands in third place in the pairs figure skating competition. Gold is within her reach.

Obviously, this girl is talented, and to reach her potential, she had to take risks and make sacrifices. As gifted people ourselves and as parents of gifted children, we know what this is like. I remember telling the principal of our neighborhood school, who is also a friend of ours, that we were moving our children from his school to a new charter school. I felt like a traitor. But since that time, I’ve seen my children rise to the challenges presented to them. We’ve defected for excellence.

I know many of you have made similar choices. While the world may never understand, we have to do it. We have to go for the gold in our lives, for our kids’ lives, no matter the risk, the sacrifice, the misunderstanding.

Thanks to Yuko Kavaguti for the inspiration. It may be small consolation, but she has gained a fan in me.