Over the summer I had the privilege of prototyping my new coaching program for gifted adults with a couple of encouraging, engaged (and engaging!) friends. I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned, most of which supported the research I’ve done and the services I plan to offer.
I was also surprised by the response of one friend’s husband. Himself a gifted grownup, he said to his wife (my prototype client) “Really? You’re going to look into your giftedness as an adult? Really?” In other words, “What’s the point?”
Other than him calling into question the entire focus of my coaching practice, I understand. In fact, I understand a great deal. For those of us who have felt out-of-step with the mainstream all our lives, why look into the potential of giftedness and where it might lead us in the future? After all, whether identified as gifted children or not, I’d venture to say we all experienced misunderstanding, confusion, and rejection. Why bring all that up again? What impact could it possibly have on us as adults? Isn’t “gifted” just a label we use to understand our quirky kids and attempt to obtain the educational interventions they need…and not a label relevant to adulthood?
The more time I spend interacting with gifted adults (whether they know they’re gifted or not), the more I know I’m on the right track. I’ve talked with many of you who have finally experienced that “aha” feeling that accompanies the realization that many of your struggles past and present could be attributed to your giftedness: to those pesky gifted qualities–such as your energy, intensity, sensitivity, and your wacky sense of humor–and to how others react when you express those characteristics.
That “aha” feeling alone is reason to address your adult giftedness. Here are some additional benefits to acknowledging your giftedness as a grownup:
- You can make sense of your childhood experiences and experience healing from the wounds inflicted via those experiences.
- If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’ll now understand why your role doesn’t completely fulfill you. Your mind races, and as bright as your children probably are, reciting ABCs with them repeatedly won’t meet your needs for intellectual stimulation. You can now admit–without guilt–your need for greater mental challenges and find ways to meet it.
- You’ll comprehend why you’ve switched jobs so often. You have multiple interests and abilities, and once you’ve reached a status-quo point at work, your entire self wants to run toward a new challenge. Others may call this flaky; for you, this is survival. In realizing this, you can determine how to cope with it.
- You know why you don’t connect with some people, and why those people sometimes give you the strangest stares. They truly don’t understand what you’re saying, and you can accept this.
- You know you need to find gifted others, and that when you do, they’ll totally understand you. You’ll find a tribe of people who will validate you and your experiences.
- You can leverage your gifted characteristics to your advantage. For example, you know that you frequently develop answers to problems before other people do. You may not know how you reach your conclusions, but you know you’re right. You can now begin to trust and use your intuition more freely to serve yourself and others.
October 21st, 2009 at 8:56 am
Thanks, Lisa. I’m looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
October 21st, 2009 at 11:35 am
This is great stuff Lisa…I too look forward to learning more about your offerings and know that you will be offering freedom and life to many gifted adults!
October 21st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Hi Lisa - love this. AND you get to stop apologizing, feeling “guilty” and dumbing yourself down to appease others and keep them comfortable as well as give yourself the illusion of belonging while squirming about it because you don’t feel in integrity. This, in turn, frees others up to love you for who you really are rathe than collude with you in the illusion. It’s a courageous act, this claiming of our full selves. Glad you are creating this opportunity for people.
October 21st, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Every bullet applies! Thank you for posting. Also, I love Kathy’s comment. I have always wondered why I so readily match my tone and vocabulary level to that of the person I’m communicating with. I’ve always thought of it as a skill, but a weird and somehow ignoble one. Now I understand more fully why I do it and how early I must have started learning to collude in the illusion in that way!
October 21st, 2009 at 10:54 pm
[...] Life coach Lisa Lauffer affirms, “There is a point to exploring giftedness as a grownup, and this is it: if you are a gifted person, you can only live the life you were meant to live if you acknowledge and integrate your giftedness into your adult life.” [From her post Exploring Grownup Giftedness: What’s the Point?] [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 am
Wonderful post, Lisa. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. And Kathy too. Well said.
My son was identified as gifted at the age of 13. Being the intense type, I began to read volumes on giftedness and had such an enormous aha moment!! I have spent my whole adult life feeling like a misfit. Now I know there’s nothing wrong with me afterall. I have stopped constantly chastising and finding fault with myself. I can finally accept who I am and just be myself. It’s so liberating.
Why is it that we are so happy to label our kids gifted but so reluctant to accept that label for ourselves? Shouldn’t we embrace it and act as role models?
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:51 am
This is a side of giftedness I have only recently started to explore. I also look forward to seeing where you take this!
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:45 am
Agree absolutely. I’ve been talking along the same lines to friends of mine for years, having gone through that “aha” moment myself (though not following up in any concrete way like you are doing with your coaching program! All the best!)
October 29th, 2009 at 6:33 am
I found this post via Kathy Loh, and I’m glad I did. I’ve written in the past that I felt a sense of “otherness” most of my life. I’ve always tied that “otherness” to other external factors that indeed played a part, but reading this makes me realize that being gifted has played a larger role than I imagined. I’m a stay-at-home mom who’s even on the PTA(!), and I’ve been the recipient of the “what planet are you from?” looks from the other board members more than once. Both of my children have complained to me that the other kids don’t get their humor — only their teachers do.
Thank you for writing this.
November 1st, 2009 at 6:35 am
Giftedness doesn’t go away when you grow up. Unless you’re running around cutting your ear off like Vincent Van Gogh, it’s just not apparent (and there’s the rub). Even if you’re fine with that, “something about” you is “different” and you have to contend with that (either in just realizing this or getting people not to be emitonally spooked like a skittish horse because they “don’t know what to expect”– remember, getting a job often comes down to “I like this guy enough to give him money” in the interview and, if “something” bothers them for no good reason, too bad for your chances at that dream job or career you’ve always wanted and would be good at doing). Agree, believe me.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:46 pm
What an excellent post! Some of us find out about our giftedness after our child is identified. When I found out my daughter was gifted, I told my mom. I got…oh yeah, you were gifted too. UH oh well that’s helpful! At 35. Explains a lot now doesn’t it?
Thank you for writing about this topic!
November 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Thank you all for your comments! I resonate with all of them, and I’m encouraged to hear that I’ve struck a chord, because there’s more to come! I hope you will continue to feel seen, heard, and understood as I share what I’m learning!