From the Deep

It’s summer break, and today has turned into one of those glorious, go-with-the-flow days around the house. My kids are currently preoccupied with their vast array of Legos, so I’ve taken this opportunity (how ever long it may last) to attempt some semblance of organization in my life.

As a gifted adult, I find myself extremely divergent. I have a plethora of ideas and projects running through my mind, and I enjoy creating and brainstorming. I can expand on these ideas exponentially, ad infinitum…and none of them achieve completion in the real world. As well, “minor,” mundane tasks, such as signing my son up for fall football or charting my daughter’s occupational therapy activities, can flit in and out of my brain at the speed of light, never getting done.

So far, everything I really need to do gets done. But I find this existence a little stressful, and sometimes I wonder if I could accomplish more and feel more at peace if I became more organized. Now as you can probably tell, “more organized” isn’t that high of an expectation around here. I’ve learned that I will never become an organization maven. My brain isn’t built that way. Checklists and day-at-a-time organizers don’t move me. Instead, anyone who knows me knows how I love stickie notes. I come alive brainstorming projects when I post colorful small stickie notes to gigantic stickie notes adhered to my wall.

This method, while fun and life-giving, has its limitations. I have only so much wall space, I can’t pack my walls in my purse with me when I hit the road, and it can lead to a cluttered feel instead of a clean, clear one.

While I imagine I will always carry on a love affair with stickie notes, today I’ve decided to find some fun online ways to organize myself. I’ve heard wonderful things about Evernote.com. This is a program you can find online and download onto your computer to create notebooks for projects and to-do lists. You can also upload photos from your phone or camera, and Evernote will make any text in them searchable. As well, you can gather links and pdf files in one place. One mom told me she keeps recipes, activity schedules, and her husband’s travel itineraries in Evernote. These items are not only kept on your computer but online, so you can access them from any computer or your mobile phone. Sounds like a mobile brain to me! Today I created a notebook for a new role I’m adopting. I’ve had ideas for this role swirling through my brain, and I just dumped all those ideas into Evernote. Now I can think up even more!

I’m also playing around with Remember the Milk. RTM is basically a monster to-do list. You can create various lists, such as for yourself, each member of your family, any roles you fulfill, your house, and anything else you desire. For each task, you can determine a due date, have the activity repeat on your list if you need, and have RTM send reminders to your phone and/or e-mail address. I signed up for RTM long ago, but haven’t used it much. Today I’ve connected it to my Gmail, Google calendar, and Twitter accounts, and I’m hoping that these interfaces will make using RTM easier which will mean I will use it more.

We shall see how this goes. I must admit I’m susceptible to a “look, shiny!” outlook on life. If something is new, I enjoy trying it out. However, I find it difficult to keep using systems long-term unless they integrate into my life in an easy, and more importantly fun, way. At least if these new online systems don’t work for me, I can return to my beloved stickie notes (or try these online ones!)

What tools do you use to organize your divergent mind? Please let me and the rest of the gifted, divergent world know!

©2010 Lisa Lauffer

Today is our second day of summer break. In the coming year, ESGK will be an eighth grader. Which, if you do the math (and I know you can), means the following year he’ll enter high school. I won’t even begin pondering what type of quantum physics have gotten us to this point–I assure you that just yesterday I was shedding tears at the thought of leaving him at preschool for the first time. But alas, to high school he soon will go.

The question is: Where?

The school system here isn’t the same as where–or perhaps more accurately, when–I was raised. I knew purely from where I lived which high school I’d attend. Unless I wanted (and my parents were willing to pay for) a more religious, private school experience, I really didn’t have a choice. And that was fine. Nobody really questioned it. As a gifted kid I’d make do with what I was offered. And I did.

Nowadays, with school choice being what it is, we have options as to where we can send ESGK. Many options. Our neighborhood high school. Other regular high schools in the district. Charter high schools. Private, religious high schools. Online high schools. And since we send ESGK to a charter school that sets the bar extremely high, our high school choice feels really important. Where can he go so he can continue to grow academically? On the NWEA MAPS tests, he’s already in the 98th or 99th percentiles, and those tests compare him to incoming seniors in high school. The only way to get a more advanced picture of where he stands in comparison to others is for him to begin taking the SAT and ACT tests.

But academics aren’t the only consideration. What kind of social experience do we want him to have? We could enroll him in an online school that would challenge him intellectually, but where would he play sports? Expend his highly extraverted energies? Grow into an independent young adult?

To answer these questions, we’ve hired an educational consultant. We’ve had ESGK take practice entrance exams. We’re looking into having him take the SAT or ACT over the summer too. We’re doing our homework (and ESGK is doing some too).

But really, these are details. My true point is this: very little about raising gifted kids is straightforward and easy. Look at all the questions we have to consider to make choices other parents make automatically, whether it be where to send our children to school, which extracurricular activities to sign them up for, or which friends to invite to play. We have to do our homework. And we do it. We take on these tasks because we love our children deeply and care that they make the most of the gifts they possess. This takes time and energy.

As a coach to parents of gifted children, I want to say that I see you: what you do, what it costs you, and what you and your kids gain. Keep it up. You probably doubt this at times, but you are doing an amazing job that no one else could possibly do as well as you. So before you dive into whatever homework you have this summer, give yourself a pat on the back and a moment to breathe, put your feet up, and drink a refreshing, cool beverage. You deserve it!

©2010 Lisa Lauffer

{In an effort to blog more frequently, I’m going to intersperse some personal thoughts amid my series on Why Coaching Works for the Gifted.}

Raising gifted children can challenge me to my core. Just last night I had to don my referee uniform and whistle, and mediate a conflict between my two gifted, highly sensitive children whose minds race with arguments against each other. I experience the angst of a mom who has her kids in the best school available for her children, and still sees some of their needs going unmet. I absorb the struggles of my perfectionist and procrastinatory children (I’ll leave you to guess which is which!).

And I complain. I share my frustrations with other parents of gifted kids, and listen to theirs.

Do I stop to celebrate the joys?

Today, ESGK (my thirteen-year-old son) won first place in the Physics: Force and Motion category of his school’s science fair. I cannot adequately express how proud I am of him. After three years of wrestling with science fair projects, he has garnered well-deserved accolades. He’s smart, creative, and analytical. He worked hard, sometimes well into the wee hours of the morning (OK, that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Now you know which of my kids is procrastinatory!). And he earned himself the blue ribbon.

I feel some discomfort broadcasting this news on the web. In my own history as a gifted child, my achievements earned me mixed attention. Praise was quickly followed by (frequently successful) attempts to knock me down a peg. And we parents of gifted children know that others don’t want to hear about our kids’ successes (or struggles). I’ve been well trained to keep my mouth shut.

Well, no more! Today is a day for celebration and acknowledgment! So, way to go, ESGK! I’m so proud of you, I love you so much, and you have a brilliant future ahead of you!

And to all of us parents of gifted children, may we celebrate the victories. We and our kids deserve it!

©2010 Lisa Lauffer

“Jane! Stop this crazy thing!”

Ever feel like good ol’ George Jetson who yelled these words at the end of every Jetsons episode? I find myself sometimes wishing I could stop the world and get off for just a few minutes to regroup. The rest of you would be suspended in space and time while I take a nap or sip a grande mocha and read a good book.

This is a common theme of life in our current culture. Too much to do, too little time. For the gifted, this can be even more acute. With the characteristics of multipotentiality–having many possible areas in which we can excel–and multiple interests, we frequently find ourselves overcommitted, wanting to fulfill all our obligations and our potential. If we’re not in this mode, we might be about to enter it, because we just have to take that art class or learn that new language or invent the next new gadget that will take the world by storm. Before we know it, we find ourselves running on a hamster wheel, wasting energy going nowhere, and wishing we could get off.

If we feel as if we’re stuck on the Jetson’s conveyor belt, the life coaching principle of balance can help. Balance is about movement. Consider this idea for a moment. How do you best balance on a bicycle? By moving forward. You can even experience balance as movement right now. Simply stand on one foot. Notice how your foot and leg muscles, bones, and tendons constantly adjust to keep you upright. If you’re not moving, you might actually fall over. If you feel stuck in your life, either because you’re too busy or because one area of life isn’t flowing, balance can be harder to achieve.

Often what keeps us stuck is a particular perspective we’re holding about our lives. For example, maybe we feel stuck in a job because we don’t think it’s helping us fulfill our potential, but the economy is so bad that we don’t believe we can find another job. Perhaps we have a view of life that sees balance looking one way, with a certain amount of time spent at work, with family, and in recreation, but we just can’t seem to achieve that “perfect” structure for ourselves.

When we feel stuck, we may unintentionally behave in ways that keep us feeling that way. This blog post is a perfect example of this. I started writing this post a couple of months ago then stopped. I wondered if others would find a series on why coaching works for the gifted as valuable as I believe it could be. I was stuck in an “I’m not offering value” perspective. Ergo, this post sat fallow for many weeks.

We can become “unstuck” when we identify the perspective we’re holding and realize we’ve actually chosen it for ourselves. This gives us the opportunity to play with other perspectives that might move us forward. For example, to finally publish this blog post, I’ve adopted a “whatever” perspective. I’ve identified that my perfectionism had commandeered my creativity, and I decided to let that go and just finish whatever the outcome may be.

As gifted people, we can feel stuck for many reasons. We might have a list of dreams so long it ultimately paralyses us. We know we have the abilities to fulfill those dreams, but we don’t even know where to start. Having multipotentiality, we fear that reaching for one goal might preclude us from reaching another. Or we might not want to draw attention to ourselves and risk rejection, so we keep ourselves from moving forward. Or here’s a classic I hear from parents all the time, especially moms: “If I go after my dreams and desires, I won’t have the energy or capacity to care for my gifted children’s needs, and it’s my job to make sure their special needs are met.”

As a life coach, I help my clients recognize perspectives they might be holding and how those perspectives might keep them from moving forward in their lives. Together, we play with new perspectives, imagining what life might be like from those points of view. Then my clients choose the perspectives they want to hold for their situations. Sometimes they choose a new one. Sometimes they choose multiple perspectives to utilize at different times. And sometimes they decide to hold the exact same perspective they held at first, except now they have consciously chosen it and therefore are free instead of stuck.

Do you feel stuck? Would you like to invite more balance into your life? If so, I’d love to help you discover ways you can move forward. Please contact me for a free 30-minute coaching call!

Other blog posts in my Why Coaching Works for the Gifted series:

• Why Life Coaching Works for the Gifted
• Fulfillment, Why Life Coaching Works for the Gifted, the Sequel