From the Deep

Late last night I watched ESPN, and noted on the ticker a message about Andre Agassi confessing in his new autobiography to using crystal meth. I pointed this out with curiosity to my husband, and figured this was probably Agassi’s way of getting skeletons out of the closet so he can live his life freely. Surely enough, this morning on espn.com, sports writer Rick Reilly reviews Agassi’s autobiography entitled Open (from Knopf, written with Pulitzer Prize winner J.R. Moehringer). You can read the review here. And indeed, apparently Agassi is coming clean in a way that will empower him to live more freely. (Just a teaser: the old-school Agassi mane? Fake!)

What struck me about this review, and what I imagine will strike me about this book, is that Agassi is a tremendously talented individual who lived the life many gifted and talented children live: they try to reach other people’s dreams for them. Agassi didn’t love tennis, and it showed in his performance. It showed in his downfall (the crystal meth phase). This happens to many gifted and talented young adults. They realize that they can’t reach other people’s dreams and standards, and they hit rock bottom. Some fall into drugs. Some fall into depression. Some even fall into suicide.

Only when Agassi got real with himself–when he shaved his hair, his image, and his drug use–did he begin to excel. And excel he did. His talent shone, and he won his way to number 6 in the tennis rankings and to five additional major championships.

When Agassi walked off the court for the last time, the public didn’t view him as the tennis brat that had started playing a decade or so earlier. He walked off the court beloved by his fans. He was true to himself; his talent delighted others; he had made the tennis dream his own and fulfilled it. And when he said goodbye to the sport he had come to love, he was able to walk into a full life. During an interview right before he retired, he said something to this effect: “I look forward to waking up in the morning and, instead of having to ask myself ‘What do I have to do today?’ asking myself “What do I want my life to be like?’” He had found the secret to a fulfilling life: being himself and choosing his path.

What are you doing with your giftedness? With your talent? Are you living someone else’s dream? Or have you given that up and faced your true identity, allowing your light to shine? At whatever point you find yourself in this continuum, I encourage you to keep following the path toward your truth. As you do, you will find yourself satisfied in life and blessing the world with the unique gift you have to give.

©2009 Lisa Lauffer

Over the summer I had the privilege of prototyping my new coaching program for gifted adults with a couple of encouraging, engaged (and engaging!) friends. I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned, most of which supported the research I’ve done and the services I plan to offer.

I was also surprised by the response of one friend’s husband. Himself a gifted grownup, he said to his wife (my prototype client) “Really? You’re going to look into your giftedness as an adult? Really?” In other words, “What’s the point?”

Other than him calling into question the entire focus of my coaching practice, I understand. In fact, I understand a great deal. For those of us who have felt out-of-step with the mainstream all our lives, why look into the potential of giftedness and where it might lead us in the future? After all, whether identified as gifted children or not, I’d venture to say we all experienced misunderstanding, confusion, and rejection. Why bring all that up again? What impact could it possibly have on us as adults? Isn’t “gifted” just a label we use to understand our quirky kids and attempt to obtain the educational interventions they need…and not a label relevant to adulthood?

The more time I spend interacting with gifted adults (whether they know they’re gifted or not), the more I know I’m on the right track. I’ve talked with many of you who have finally experienced that “aha” feeling that accompanies the realization that many of your struggles past and present could be attributed to your giftedness: to those pesky gifted qualities–such as your energy, intensity, sensitivity, and your wacky sense of humor–and to how others react when you express those characteristics.

That “aha” feeling alone is reason to address your adult giftedness. Here are some additional benefits to acknowledging your giftedness as a grownup:

• You can make sense of your childhood experiences and experience healing from the wounds inflicted via those experiences.
• If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’ll now understand why your role doesn’t completely fulfill you. Your mind races, and as bright as your children probably are, reciting ABCs with them repeatedly won’t meet your needs for intellectual stimulation. You can now admit–without guilt–your need for greater mental challenges and find ways to meet it.
• You’ll comprehend why you’ve switched jobs so often. You have multiple interests and abilities, and once you’ve reached a status-quo point at work, your entire self wants to run toward a new challenge. Others may call this flaky; for you, this is survival. In realizing this, you can determine how to cope with it.
• You know why you don’t connect with some people, and why those people sometimes give you the strangest stares. They truly don’t understand what you’re saying, and you can accept this.
• You know you need to find gifted others, and that when you do, they’ll totally understand you. You’ll find a tribe of people who will validate you and your experiences.
• You can leverage your gifted characteristics to your advantage. For example, you know that you frequently develop answers to problems before other people do. You may not know how you reach your conclusions, but you know you’re right. You can now begin to trust and use your intuition more freely to serve yourself and others.