From the Deep

“Jane! Stop this crazy thing!”

Ever feel like good ol’ George Jetson who yelled these words at the end of every Jetsons episode? I find myself sometimes wishing I could stop the world and get off for just a few minutes to regroup. The rest of you would be suspended in space and time while I take a nap or sip a grande mocha and read a good book.

This is a common theme of life in our current culture. Too much to do, too little time. For the gifted, this can be even more acute. With the characteristics of multipotentiality–having many possible areas in which we can excel–and multiple interests, we frequently find ourselves overcommitted, wanting to fulfill all our obligations and our potential. If we’re not in this mode, we might be about to enter it, because we just have to take that art class or learn that new language or invent the next new gadget that will take the world by storm. Before we know it, we find ourselves running on a hamster wheel, wasting energy going nowhere, and wishing we could get off.

If we feel as if we’re stuck on the Jetson’s conveyor belt, the life coaching principle of balance can help. Balance is about movement. Consider this idea for a moment. How do you best balance on a bicycle? By moving forward. You can even experience balance as movement right now. Simply stand on one foot. Notice how your foot and leg muscles, bones, and tendons constantly adjust to keep you upright. If you’re not moving, you might actually fall over. If you feel stuck in your life, either because you’re too busy or because one area of life isn’t flowing, balance can be harder to achieve.

Often what keeps us stuck is a particular perspective we’re holding about our lives. For example, maybe we feel stuck in a job because we don’t think it’s helping us fulfill our potential, but the economy is so bad that we don’t believe we can find another job. Perhaps we have a view of life that sees balance looking one way, with a certain amount of time spent at work, with family, and in recreation, but we just can’t seem to achieve that “perfect” structure for ourselves.

When we feel stuck, we may unintentionally behave in ways that keep us feeling that way. This blog post is a perfect example of this. I started writing this post a couple of months ago then stopped. I wondered if others would find a series on why coaching works for the gifted as valuable as I believe it could be. I was stuck in an “I’m not offering value” perspective. Ergo, this post sat fallow for many weeks.

We can become “unstuck” when we identify the perspective we’re holding and realize we’ve actually chosen it for ourselves. This gives us the opportunity to play with other perspectives that might move us forward. For example, to finally publish this blog post, I’ve adopted a “whatever” perspective. I’ve identified that my perfectionism had commandeered my creativity, and I decided to let that go and just finish whatever the outcome may be.

As gifted people, we can feel stuck for many reasons. We might have a list of dreams so long it ultimately paralyses us. We know we have the abilities to fulfill those dreams, but we don’t even know where to start. Having multipotentiality, we fear that reaching for one goal might preclude us from reaching another. Or we might not want to draw attention to ourselves and risk rejection, so we keep ourselves from moving forward. Or here’s a classic I hear from parents all the time, especially moms: “If I go after my dreams and desires, I won’t have the energy or capacity to care for my gifted children’s needs, and it’s my job to make sure their special needs are met.”

As a life coach, I help my clients recognize perspectives they might be holding and how those perspectives might keep them from moving forward in their lives. Together, we play with new perspectives, imagining what life might be like from those points of view. Then my clients choose the perspectives they want to hold for their situations. Sometimes they choose a new one. Sometimes they choose multiple perspectives to utilize at different times. And sometimes they decide to hold the exact same perspective they held at first, except now they have consciously chosen it and therefore are free instead of stuck.

Do you feel stuck? Would you like to invite more balance into your life? If so, I’d love to help you discover ways you can move forward. Please contact me for a free 30-minute coaching call!

Other blog posts in my Why Coaching Works for the Gifted series:

• Why Life Coaching Works for the Gifted
• Fulfillment, Why Life Coaching Works for the Gifted, the Sequel

My heart has felt heavy today. I’ve been asking others the question “If you’re a woman who happens to be the mom of 1 or more gifted kids, what would you say your greatest need is?” I’ve received a list of answers that has broken my heart because I know the pain behind them. I feel it for the women who have responded.

And I feel it personally. I have one 2e child, and yesterday we began occupational therapy. This particular child has experienced almost every form of therapy you can imagine: vision, speech, physical, etc. My beautiful, delightful, gifted child struggles sometimes. And I find it hard to watch. I’m thankful and hopeful for the strategies we’re engaging to help this child resolve the issues at hand, and the journey is rough. What parent can watch that and not feel empathy?

It’s also hard because on top of everything else, therapy requires work at home. Our schedule has become packed with appointments and homework. Invariably, I have to keep a chart. I must confess, I am chart-challenged. In fact, I hold structure of any kind at arm’s length. It’s just not part of my natural rhythm in most cases. So to work toward my child’s healing and strength, I have to engage my weakness and areas of challenge. In some ways, I have to deny myself.

But isn’t that what love is? Isn’t that what we moms and dads do for our kids? So on I go, facing my own struggle to help my child face hers. To help myself, I’ve gotten creative. I’ve developed a new perspective around the challenge. The records I have to keep are a part of my child’s story, and as I keep them, I’m writing her history, acknowledging her growth, identifying her inevitable success. This reframing gives me more energy and even a little excitement to a task I’d normally do with feet dragging.

As parents of gifted children, we all face struggles of some kind. To help us get through them, we can engage our own creativity to develop a new approach, a new vision of what we’re tackling, and in doing so, bring more fulfillment to the role of parenting.